A Family Man

Allan’s family truly encompassed his life. There are only a few periods in his life that wasn’t influenced or centered on his family, whether it was his parents, brothers and sisters, his kind extended family, in-laws, or his wife and children. He often spoke about his wife and kids with his coworkers and business associates leading several of them, when asked to comment on Allan’s life, to designate him as a “family man.” In a life statement which Allan wrote in college, he states seven lifetime goals, one of which was “to have a strong, interdependent, autonomous and spiritual family.” He envisioned his family would be built on the values of service, self-sufficiency and the doctrines of eternal life. It is only appropriate to recognize Dad’s love for his family and some of the principle he strived to live by in building and maintaining family relationships.

In some notes on a talk Allan gave in a church meeting on the topic of families, he gives three main points to becoming a better husband and father. “First,” he says “we need to understand and believe in ourselves.” Allan teaches us that we should understand that we are children of God and that we are not alone. It is abundantly clear that Dad understood this principle. He would frequently teach this to his children in family home evenings and share testimony of it in more public settings. Many, many of his journal entries have an eternal perspective and his discourses on prayer and the knowledge that God loves us were abundant.

“Secondly,” he continues, “we need to know how to relate to others.” He instructs that our relationships should be based on love, honesty, sincerity, and commitment. It seems this was one of Dad’s life ambitions, to be a master at relating with others. This is demonstrated in his aspirations to teach and to perfect his aptitude for telling stories. As his son, I can personally attest to his commitment to developing healthy relationships. As I grew, I became more and more attracted to athletics and the outdoors. Neither of these were favorites of my father. He would just as well have a comfortable lawn chair and a good book, or be engaged in a philosophical conversation on a porch swing. But he knew how important his relationship with his son should be and he also knew the greatest way to show love for his children was to spend time with them. Dad took a sincere interest in some of my activities. One I remember in particular was baseball. He never professed to have any kind of special knowledge about the sport but very rarely declined the invitation to play catch, or take batting practice. On one occasion, he even took me into the city to watch a Mets game as a belayed birthday present. His dedication to his relationships with his children became a great strength in his family.

“Third,” he teaches, “we need to prepare some needful things.” He references Doctrine and Covenants 88:119; “Organize yourselves; prepare every needful thing; and establish a house, even a house of prayer, a house of fasting, a house of faith, a house of learning, a house of glory, a house of order, a house of God.” So many of his experiences were focused on his family and establishing these essential characteristics of a righteous home. David O. McKay, the president of the church for nearly all of Allan’s youth, and not coincidentally one of his favorite prophets and speakers, said in a general conference address; ”The bringing of children into the world bears with it great responsibilities and opens to view the noblest purpose of life, namely, a co-partnership with deity ‘to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man.” As his actions confirm, Allan truly was a “family man.”

Father of Six

The evening of June 17, 1992 was muggy and wet. Janice has spent the day cleaning the house and once again getting the baby clothes out of storage. There were final preparations to be made for a new member of the Kjelstrom family. Eighteen months prior, Allan had secured a good job working for Blue Cross/Blue Shield, a healthcare company based in Syracuse, New York. Janice’s sister Catherine and her family were well established in Ilion, a little town 65 miles east of Syracuse. Allan and Janice had decided to settle nearby in Herkimer. It was nice to be close to extended family, and at this time, it was nice to have a secure job.

The week before this rainy night, Catherine had been over to help paint the master bedroom. Although Janice had been sick during this pregnancy, she still found time to finish projects. Just earlier in the evening, she had insisted that Allan install the handles on a dresser she had recently refinished. With Allan at age 43 and Janice at 38, they knew this was going to be their last child and were intent on making it a special experience. The due date was still 16 days away and even with a bout of giardia that Janice had contracted from some unclean water in Richfield Springs, things were moving along nicely.

Later in the evening, just before the kids were to be put to bed, Janice decided to take a bath to sooth her aching back. She had had contractions all day, but being her sixth child, didn’t worry because they were relatively far apart. But when her water broke, it was time to go. Catherine was called over to tend for the kids while Allan and Janice got in the car and began the 28 mile journey to the Cooperstown Hospital. It had now begun to pour and driving south on State Highway 28 had become precarious. The trepidation must have been thick for Allan. On a good day it took 45 minutes to get to the hospital and nearly all of Janice’s other births were very quick. But he had a knack for keeping his cool.

To their relief, they arrived at the hospital at around 11:30 in the evening. Not to anyone’s surprise, the maternity ward was full. There were no rooms available to give birth. The nurse’s aide asked that Janice have a seat in a wheelchair for half an hour. This wasn’t a unique experience to either of the anxious parents. The birth stories of almost all of the other children were similar. Surely Allan must have thought this was just how it happens.

They did finally find a bed for Janice in the nearby medical/surgery ward. Not more than an hour passed before the child was ready to be born. When they wheeled Janice to the maternity ward for the final stages of labor, to their angst a maintenance worker was still cleaning up from the previous delivery. The request to again wait from the nurse went unheeded and as the story is told, Janice jumped from the wheelchair and Spencer was born with load roar. But there he was, his third son, Spencer Axel, named after Allan’s father, the balanced compliment to his three daughters.

Catherine and her daughter had fallen asleep on the waterbed when Allan finally arrived home very early in the morning. After thanking her and sending them home, a smile surely must have come. It had been a long day, but a boy, another son, a father of six.